Love is Love

I love the English language for its richness, its versatility, its flexibility. Whatever it is that you want to say, there are usually at least two ways to say it, and often more than two.

You might want to go up, or ascend, to the top, or the summit. You might then go down, or descend, to the base, or the bottom, or the foot. You might want to discuss, or talk about, or have a conversation about, a matter, or a subject, that is deep, or profound. You might want to buy, or purchase, a house that is near, or close to, or adjacent to, or in the vicinity of, a school.

But for all of this richness and abundance of choice in our words, there is one word which seems to go against, or contrary to, the trend. That is, of course, the word LOVE.

What is this thing called love? I love ice-cream; I love music; I love walking on the beach; I love my wife; I love my country; I love Jesus.

The subject matter of the overwhelming majority of popular songs is love. The Beatles sang to us that it’s all you need. But what do you mean when you use that word?

My love for my wife, or my country, or Jesus could mean that some day I might have to lay down my life for one, or all, of them. But would I lay down my life for ice-cream, or music, or a walk on the beach?

In his book ‘The Four Loves’, C.S. Lewis identifies four types of love that can be found in the Bible. The four Greek words are:

• Agapey – what we might think of as divine love – the love that God commands us to live by. I think that the best English word to express its meaning would be ‘benevolence’ – the motivation to do good or to do what is of benefit to someone else without any thought of personal advantage.

• Philia – friendship – the love that friends have for each other.

• Storgey – family love – the love that family members have for each other.

• Eros – sexual or romantic love – the love that someone has called ‘the urge to merge’, experienced by a man and a woman who are attracted to each other physically.

When we break ‘love’ down into these four categories we can see that if we were speaking Greek, we would have to be careful in our choice of words.

My love for my wife would encompass all four: we have a romantic relationship; we are members of a family; we are best friends; and we want the best for each other.

My love for my country would be limited to ‘agapey’, but my love for Jesus would cover ‘agapey’, ‘philia’, and ‘storgey’.

I’m not sure whether ice-cream, music, or walks on the beach would find resonance with any of these four!

So, why does this matter, anyway?

It matters because of the slogans “LOVE IS LOVE” and “People should be allowed to love whoever they want to love”.

Taken at face value, who could argue with either of these statements?

But, as we’ve just seen, by saying “love is love”, you’re actually saying something which is only superficially true. It’s a bit like saying “one person equals one person”, which is obviously true – until you start to ask the question, “What do you men by ‘equals’? Do you mean arithmetically? Do you mean legally? Do you mean in terms of a prisoner swap between Israel and Hamas, where one hostage is exchanged for a dozen or more terrorists?”

We heard these two slogans quite often in the run-up to the same-sex marriage law being passed in Ireland in 2015, so the meaning, within that context, was pretty clear. It was an obvious reference to homosexuality being every bit as normal and acceptable and righteous as heterosexuality. But is it?

Let’s ask ourselves four questions based on these four types of love:

1. Should two men have ‘agapey’ love for each other?

Answer: Yes, of course. God commands us to love all people with this attitude of benevolence. We should love our neighbours as ourselves (Leviticus 19:18; Galatians 5:14), and even love our enemies (Matthew 5:44).

2. Should two men have ‘philia’ love for each other?

Answer: Yes, of course. This is the love of friendship. Interestingly, Jesus and Peter have a conversation recorded in John 21:15-19 where they use both verbs ‘agapeo’ and ‘phileo’ to refer to Peter’s love for Jesus.

3. Should two men have ‘storgey’ love for each other?

Answer: If they are brothers, or cousins, or father and son, or uncle and nephew, or any other family relation, or even members of the same clan or tribe, then yes they should, because they are relatives.

4. Should two men have ‘eros’ love for each other?

Answer: According to God, no, they should not.

Why? Because, as has already been shown, God designed sex firstly for reproduction, and secondly to bind a man and a woman together as one flesh, and His blessing will only ever rest on a sexual relationship between one man and one woman who are committed to each other in the life-long covenant relationship which we call ‘marriage’.

So, there is no equivalence between a heterosexual relationship and a homosexual relationship, just as there is no equivalence between a heterosexual one-night-stand and a life-long covenant of marriage.

We should all be exercising ‘agapey’ love with everyone, ‘philia’ love with our friends and acquaintances, and ‘storgey’ love with our relatives, but ‘eros’ is only for heterosexual couples and should only be expressed with the person you are married to or intend to be married to, and full sexual intercourse, which can result in reproduction, should be engaged in only by a married couple.

That is God’s way.